KRAMER: Ah, you're making too much of it. "The Contest" Directed by Andy Ackerman. JERRY (frantic): Kramer, Kramer, what is this?! KRAMER: I don't know! Clarity Acupuncture 5018 Dorsey Hall Drive, Suite 205 Ellicott City, MD 21042. CARL: I don't remember the last time I felt this way. CARL: I'm sorry you feel that way, Elaine. Hello. New scene - Elaine and Carl sitting in carl's moving van after a date. ELAINE: So, he puts the couch down, and just as he's about to leave he says, "Do you date moving men?". Transcribed by Brian Dickson on Nov. 27, 2002.Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site http://www.geocities.com/tnguym(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits as two lines above are included - Thanks), SEINFELD Episode no. ELAINE: Oh, let me get the door for you. He stretches, then goes back to reading - not "Breakfast At Tiffany's" however, but an issue of Cracked magazine. New scene - Elaine and Carl in Elaine's kitchen. Not too high! After all, she did get together with George Peppard. She likes Audrey Hepburn very much. Joe's wife enters. There are no games! Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? I'll see you tonight. Guest stars: Reni Santoni (Poppie) David James Elliott (Carl) Robert Hooks (Joe) Denise Dowse (Joe's wife) Diana Theodore (Remy) Patton Oswald (Video store clerk) Jessica Hecht (Marie) Mari Weiss (Woman no. 12 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – JERRY (sees a white couch by the wall): Oh, what about this one? GEORGE: Well, anyway, the book club meets tomorrow, Mr. Temple. POPPIE: My mother...was taken from my house by the Communists in the middle of the night when I was ten years old. Anyway, uh...we're going into business together. KRAMER (in a chef's hat and apron): See, anybody can do this. And no intelligent person can think differently. His television program finishes, and he turns off the TV. ', New scene - Kramer and Poppie in the kitchen of the restaurant, making the first 'test pizza.'. What, are you tired, Poppie? Guest stars: Reni Santoni (Poppie) David James Elliott (Carl) Robert Hooks (Joe) Denise Dowse (Joe's wife) Diana Theodore (Remy) Patton Oswald (Video store clerk) Jessica Hecht (Marie) Mari Weiss (Woman no. KRAMER: That was in the past, Jerry. KRAMER (scanning a menu): So...how was the dinner last night? Yeah. And I have to say...it was pretty much all my fault. ELAINE (to Poppie): And I am not coming back! KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. New scene - Jerry and Elaine in Jerry's apartment. JERRY (comes out of the bedroom with Poppie's money): Here you go. GEORGE: No, I'm not. KRAMER: Did you enjoy the duck? 2)Beverly C. Brown (Woman no. JERRY: So, she got you to join a book club? New scene - George sitting in with the book club around a back booth at Monk's. New scene - Elaine shows up at Jerry's apartment. GEORGE: Well, it's about Holly Go-Lightly. KRAMER: Alright! WOMAN AT NEXT TABLE (to her date): I heard that. POPPIE: It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough! POPPIE: Yes, Jerry. GEORGE: I got a feeling I'm gonna be much smarter than you pretty soon. Poppie peed on my new sofa! CLERK: I don't think so. ELAINE: Oh, let me get the door for you. George gets the results of the biopsy of his white spot. As it happens, New York Magazine just judged his kitchen to be one of the cleanest in the city. KRAMER: Hey, Poppie...you really think people wanna make their own pizza?  Check out the complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now!Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and more! So anyway, when they were in my house before, I didn't offer them anything to drink. ELAINE: Well, I don't know. Ah? ELAINE: Well, your mother must be very proud of you. This was the 12th episode for the sixth season. Written by Larry David. GEORGE: Well, maybe they're done with it. ELAINE: Oh yeah, all the time, all the time...although, recently I've been thinking about this friend of mine. Jerry Seinfeld Autographed Photos: These unique autographed photos depict one of your favorite comedians in a variety of places throughout his illustrious career.Get a signed photo of your favorite scene from Seinfeld or simply one of Jerry with his co-stars. KRAMER: Yeah, but you gotta order it two days in advance. They're trying to kill Poppie?! REMY (to Joe): Can we watch the movie now, Daddy? You know, he wants to back it. I say, how's the book comin'? Breakfast At Tiffany's? GEORGE: No, I'm not. JOE (passes George a bowl): Here's some nuts. JERRY: I'm not goin' there. Poppie! Could it...? The guy told me it's one of a kind, they stopped making it. I just checked your duck...it is more succulent than even I had hoped. Of course, I already have a lot of money. GEORGE: Well, as I say, the pink-eye made my vision...quite blurry... JOE: Remy, this is George. Let's go. ELAINE: What are you doing with your old couch? Poppie peed on my new sofa! 2)Beverly C. Brown (Woman no. ELAINE: Because he, well...he's just so good-looking. GEORGE (irritated): This is very hard to follow with all the talking. ELAINE: So, he puts the couch down, and just as he's about to leave he says, "Do you date moving men?". I would like to be, but I'm not. ELAINE: Well, they're real men, Jerry. WOMAN AT NEXT TABLE (to her date): I heard that. JERRY: Your boyfriend, he's taking it out. I just checked your duck...it is more succulent than even I had hoped. You're still recuperating. GEORGE: Oh! CARL: Not much! 1 Plot 2 Quotes 3 Notes About Nothing 3.1 Guest Stars After watching a science-fiction B movie, Jerry goes to bed, but wakes up in the middle of the night laughing and writing down a joke for his stand-up comedy act. REMY: Popcorn? SEINFELD Episode no. And no intelligent person can think differently. Elaine says she will quit working for Mr. Pitt, but finds out that she's going to be in his will. GEORGE: I couldn't. POPPIE: It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough! ELAINE: I heard Poppie's was good, let's go. A bottle of wine and a five-alarm chili? KRAMER: What gives you the right to tell me how I would make my pie? JERRY: Well, you should probably ask, because if he's gonna be coming over with those Paccino's pizzas...could be trouble. POPPIE: That's not a pizza. You know, if it's not about sports, I find it very hard to concentrate. SEINFELD Episode no. KRAMER: It's a pizza place where you make your own pie! The following is the final episode I would have lDisclaimer: This script was written for strictly noncommercial and purely entertainment purposes only. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version New scene - Jerry and Elaine at Poppie's Restaurant. Alright, now I'm relieved. This is Elaine. WATCH THE COUCH CLICK HERE and WATCH more SEINFELD Episodes online MARIE (describing Holly Go-Lightly in "Breakfast At Tiffany's"): She didn't want the constraints of any relationship, that's why she got rid of the cat. What am I gonna do? JERRY: Well, perhaps we should inquire. POPPIE: Kramer, did I ever tell you about my mother? He also co-wrote the screenplays for the films The Cat in the Hat, EuroTrip and The Dictator. Remember that idea I had a few years ago about the pizza place where you make your own pizza? JERRY: Well, Kramer told us all about your business venture together. POPPIE: Your friend and I are going to make a lot of money. GEORGE: Well, it's about Holly Go-Lightly. JERRY: Hey Carl, I also need you to go to Elaine's and bring my old couch back. She was sent to a slave labor camp, where she labored for twelve years. Excellent! You're wiped!'. So, what do you think of my conversation? Oh, Poppie. Seinfeld S06E22 - The Diplomat's Club - After his quick trip to Ithaca, Jerry plans to meet a super model at an airport club, but his assistant, Katie, makes the trip a nightmare. Cut back to Jerry and Elaine at Poppie's. See, this is when I like you. JERRY (sarcastic): Yeah, you're right. I've never had food ordered in advance before. GEORGE (irritated): This is very hard to follow with all the talking. Let's go Jerry, c'mon. JERRY: I'm not goin' there. ELAINE: What are you doing with your old couch? GEORGE: They wanted to read a Truman Capote book. CLERK: Well, I could put it on reserve for you, if you'd like. Jerry is shopping for a new couch. I'll have to sit on it. POPPIE: That's fine. JERRY (looking at the puddle with Kramer): Is it...? Look what you did! 90 pages. ELAINE: This is it, Jerry! JERRY: He said he doesn't care, he'll just turn the cushion over. KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. KRAMER: That was in the past, Jerry. Alright, now I'm relieved. And, the best part is, he doesn't play games. ELAINE (putting on lipstick): Well, all I know is, he doesn't like games and he doesn't play games, you know? With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. CARL: Well, I better get this couch back to Jerry's. JOE'S WIFE: Hi, baby. GEORGE: They wanted to read a Truman Capote book. New scene - Jerry and Elaine in Jerry's apartment the next day, looking at the "Poppie-stain" on Jerry's sofa. ELAINE (to Jerry): What are you doing with this couch? POPPIE: Use your wrist! JERRY (clearly creeped out by having to shake Poppie's hand): Hello, Poppie. He's real, he's honest, he's unpretentious...oh, I'm really lucky! POPPIE: Let me show you to your table. They get sweaty. It aired on January 19, 1995. Opening scene - Jerry and George in a furniture store. KRAMER: Well, I happened to be eating at Poppie's when I told him the "old" idea, and his eyes - waaaaaah! It doesn't work that way. Anyway, I'm sorry again about the......the...the... KRAMER (to Poppie): So long. On July 5th, 1989, the entire landscape of television was changed forever and the comedy gained a new brother with the iconic sitcom Seinfeld, developed by comedians Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm).Over the years, this popular series was said to be a show about nothing, but on the contrary, it's a program about life's little peccadillos and social graces. He stretches, then goes back to reading - not "Breakfast At Tiffany's" however, but an issue of Cracked magazine. Suddenly his eyes widen and he spits out his coffee. Oh, yeah! You, uh...you got room in the truck for me? Transcribed by Brian Dickson on Nov. 27, 2002.Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site http://www.geocities.com/tnguym(Permission is given to copy scripts to other sites provided credits as two lines above are included - Thanks), SEINFELD Episode no. My other favorite furniture brand is the La-Z-Boy. Directed by Andy Ackerman. JERRY: Ah, I could've stayed home and ordered a pizza from Paccino's. Not too high! POPPIE: And what gives you the right to do that? Poppie peed on my sofa!! JERRY: Well, I'm certainly glad I brought it up. She was sent to a slave labor camp, where she labored for twelve years. New scene - George sitting on Joe's couch, about to watch Breakfast At Tiffany's with Joe and Remy. Elaine gets an investigation started on the owner of the diner. GEORGE: Uh, yes, uh...you don't know me, my name is George Costanza...did you happen to rent Breakfast At Tiffany's? WOMAN AT YET ANOTHER TABLE (to her date): Let's go! GEORGE: Well, not really. ELAINE: Boy, I'm really looking forward to this duck. ELAINE (looks at Jerry and smears lipstick across her face): What? So, how's the book coming? He has too much character and integrity. JOE'S WIFE: Yeah, the doctor thinks it's just a matter of time -. 91 "The Couch" (Original air date 27 Oct 1994). ELAINE: Yes.0JERRY: Well, would you apologize for me? ELAINE: Well, I don't know. Oh no. They were flown in from Newfoundland. KRAMER: Well, he's in the hospital. JERRY: Well, I'm sure that they can deliver it to your apartment. ELAINE: Yes.0JERRY: Well, would you apologize for me? GEORGE: So, we watching the movie, or are we still talking? Of course, I already have a lot of money. KRAMER: What gives you the right to tell me how I would make my pie? CLERK: I don't think so. Guest Stars: Reni Santoni, David James Elliott, Robert Hooks, Denise Dowse. 12 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – If you just give me my duck money, I'll be on my way. You're still recuperating. You can't put cucumbers on a pizza. New scene - George at a video store counter. ELAINE (putting on lipstick): Well, all I know is, he doesn't like games and he doesn't play games, you know? And the cook says you put him there. Apologies Professor Shark, big fan, but you are aware that the Seinfeld cast as Zoomers with the text "Jerry gets iPad" is posted to 4chan every single day? 22 Sep 2003 – Let's go, Henry. JERRY: No games? I'm gonna make the first test pizza at the restaurant. Cut back to George, Joe and Remy watching the movie. Whatta ya think, Lainie? JERRY (comes out of the bedroom with Poppie's money): Here you go. This is Elaine. I can't look at it. JERRY: Well, I'm certainly glad I brought it up. I've never had food ordered in advance before. Dec 19, 2015 - Explore J BP's board "Seinfeld (The Chicken Roaster) 8", followed by 598 people on Pinterest. It was quite a scene over there. They got a duck there, you think you died and went to heaven. ELAINE: Well, I can understand that. What is the point of dating without games? GEORGE: Oh! How do you know if you're winning or losing? ELAINE: Well, I can understand that. JOE'S WIFE: Well, I just came back from Angela's, it's not looking very good for Duncan. Could I have a word? You know? KRAMER: Well, I happened to be eating at Poppie's when I told him the "old" idea, and his eyes - waaaaaah! I say, how's the book comin'? JERRY: Hey Carl, I also need you to go to Elaine's and bring my old couch back. Now on this issue there can be no debate! What, are you tired, Poppie? So anyway, when they were in my house before, I didn't offer them anything to drink. Written by Larry David. ELAINE (looking in the fridge): All I've got is grape juice. KRAMER: Well, you know, Poppie's over at my place. Cut back to George at home. Oh no. KRAMER: Alright, what did you do to Poppie? KRAMER: Oh, they got good ducks there, huh? 3) Jeris Lee Poindexter (Moving guy), Jerry's stand-up: The love seat, that's a nice little item, there...I guess some guy thought, 'Well, if we can't get them to sit closer to us, why not just shorten the furniture?' GEORGE: You might want to try it...makes the movie more enjoyable, that's all. ELAINE (standing up): The Supreme Court gives me the right to do that! GEORGE: Maybe we could call them and ask them to return it. It's just a natural human function...happens to be on my sofa, instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be. GEORGE: Out? The Seinfeld Chronicles was written as the pilot for the show that would eventually be called Seinfeld, though earlier versions of the script would refer to the program as Stand Up and The Jerry Seinfeld Show. POPPIE: That's fine. Open to Jerry's living room, where an aged and fat Jerry sits casually on the couch sipping coffee while reading something on his iPad. ELAINE (in a southern accent): Ooh, I can't wait to get me a fella and make mah own pie! You know, if it's not about sports, I find it very hard to concentrate. It's just a natural human function...happens to be on my sofa, instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be. CARL: Yeah, I think we can squeeze you in. You know? POPPIE: Yes, Jerry. GEORGE (clears his throat, annoyed that the movie's being interrupted): Joe...could you... JOE'S WIFE: Poor guy, I hate to see him suffer like this... GEORGE: You know, I'm sorry, I...I hate to be one of those people, but we're right in the middle of this thing...I can't hear. Jerry travels on first class while Elaine on coach. So, on this issue there is no debate! That's perfect. As a comedian rising in popularity in the late 1980s, Seinfeld was presented with an opportunity to create a show with NBC. ELAINE: I heard Poppie's was good, let's go. 90 pages. You know, he wants to back it. JERRY: I'm sorry about the gift, I didn't know about your condition. 20 min read, 22 Sep 2003 – Your duck is cooking as we speak. Look at this, this is it! The book club meets in a few days. It is so succulent...so succulent! In the episode, Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer hold a contest to determine who can go for the longest time without masturbating. Okay, well uh...(to Jerry and Kramer)...I'll see you chumps later. Watch Seinfeld - Season 8, Episode 5 - The Package: Elaine has a rash and looks for a doctor who will treat her; despite her doctor -- patient relationship reputation. Poppie does very well...very well. How could you be friends with those two? WOMAN AT YET ANOTHER TABLE (to her date): Let's go! POPPIE: Hello! ELAINE: Well, I guess I wouldn't eat here, then. "The Contest" is the 51st episode of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld.The 11th episode of the fourth season, it aired on November 18, 1992. Look what you did! Hazel...and filbert. JERRY: Did you tell him I was sorry I didn't offer him the drink? GEORGE: Well, anyway, the book club meets tomorrow, Mr. Temple. Oh no, I've been to four other places, you're the only ones that have had it. I'll have to sit on it. JERRY: Right there, guys. ELAINE (standing up): The Supreme Court gives me the right to do that! If I would have any of this, I would die. He is such an incredible person! POPPIE: Kramer, did I ever tell you about my mother? JERRY: What made you resurrect that old idea? It would be nice if you got him something. JERRY: Well, perhaps we should inquire. New scene - Elaine and Carl in Elaine's kitchen. ELAINE: 'Kay. Whatta ya think, Lainie? It's not very far. JOE: Well, I was going to watch it with my daughter. POPPIE: That's not a pizza. A bottle of wine and a five-alarm chili? KRAMER: Yeah, but you gotta order it two days in advance. The moving guys are delivering Jerry's new couch. KRAMER: Hey, Poppie...you really think people wanna make their own pizza? Some cheese... POPPIE: No, no. We offer the widest selection of Movie Scripts, TV Scripts, TV Movie Scripts, Screenplays, Treatments - Results from #6732 Look at this, this is it! After all, she did get together with George Peppard. You should never order pizza from Paccino's. George and Kramer run into trouble while trying to arrive on time to pick up Jerry and Elaine at the airport. 22 Sep 2003 – Hey, what about this one? COMEDY CLUB / Jerry is on stage, performing / JERRY: So I move into the centre lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I JERRY: Well, what if Poppie felt the same way? And what is his stand on abortion? POPPIE: Use your wrist! And the cook says you put him there. CARL: I don't remember the last time I felt this way. It is so succulent...so succulent! Seinfeld mined some dark material ... “The Couch” (Season 6). (To Jerry) You know, I'm gonna call him, I'm gonna order the duck for you. I was just asking how dinner went last night. New scene - George at the address of the people who have rented Breakfast At Tiffany's. ELAINE: Can I offer you anything to drink? This is what I'm looking for. "The Gymnast" This is very flattering to the prospective customer, isn't it? Let's go, Henry. ELAINE: Well, they're real men, Jerry. GEORGE: Well, a lot of people keep popcorn in the house. They got a duck there, you think you died and went to heaven. Hazel...and filbert. JERRY (sees a white couch by the wall): Oh, what about this one? It'll taste terrible. JERRY: Your boyfriend, he's taking it out. JERRY: Oh no, I don't want anyone sitting on it. She becomes a suspect when he overdoses his medication. Okay, c'mon. If I would have any of this, I would die. It doesn't fold out, so no one can sleep over. ELAINE (to Jerry): What are you doing with this couch? He has too much character and integrity. My other favorite furniture brand is the La-Z-Boy. GEORGE: So, we watching the movie, or are we still talking? JOE'S WIFE: Hi, baby. JERRY: Wait till you see it, it's perfect. Yeah. JERRY: You're something. Tonight's the big night. Some cheese... POPPIE: No, no. GEORGE: I'd like to rent Breakfast At Tiffany's. Elaine finds Morty's wallet in Jerry's couch. JERRY: Well, you should probably ask, because if he's gonna be coming over with those Paccino's pizzas...could be trouble. Finally, they released her and she was on a boat to America to re-unite with us...but she was served some bad fish, and she died...on the high seas. Let's go. JERRY: I don't care if it comes out, I can't sit on that anymore! Kramer decides to start up his own new pizza business. Didn't he get busted by the Board of Health? JERRY: Well, I think that statement alone reflects your burgeoning intelligence. New scene - Jerry laying on his new couch. Directed by Andy Ackerman. New scene - George sitting in with the book club around a back booth at Monk's. New scene - George at home, preparing to read "Breakfast At Tiffany's.". Oh, yeah! Script City is your Hollywood Script Connection. After Seinfeld finished, he perpetrated one of TV history's most meta moments ever when in 2001 he bought a sizable stake in the real J. Peterman Co. and co-owns it … It doesn't work that way. You know what the best part about it is? ELAINE: Because, the owner contributes a lot of money to those fanatical, anti-abortion groups. I've got my nuts here... REMY: Look! Anyway, he's about to leave, he wants the duck money. ELAINE: Paccino's? JERRY: I love this couch. I would like to be, but I'm not. I am not a comedy writer, nor do I play one on.....Read the script free on Booksie. The most important thing in Holly's life was her independence. KRAMER: Alright, what did you do to Poppie? JERRY: You got a regular 'Manhattan Project' going on over there. Excellent! There are no games! JERRY: So, she got you to join a book club? And I have to say...it was pretty much all my fault. ELAINE: 'Kay. For fans of Jerry Seinfeld’s stand-up get your photo of him on stage with a mic in his hand. You're wiped!'. I, uh, would have invited you up, but I don't have any furniture. The moving guys are delivering Jerry's new couch. KRAMER: Why don't you sit down, Poppie? We give you the dough, the sauce, the cheese...you pound it, slap it, you flip it up into the air...you put your toppings on and you slide it into the oven! JERRY (standing): Oh, sure...Truman Capote. Anyway, uh...we're going into business together. JERRY: Oh, you really missed something. If you just give me my duck money, I'll be on my way. 91 "The Couch" (Original air date 27 Oct 1994) Directed by Andy Ackerman. ELAINE (to Poppie): And I am not coming back! ELAINE: Oh, goody. GEORGE: Maybe we could call them and ask them to return it. GEORGE: I got a feeling I'm gonna be much smarter than you pretty soon. New scene - George at the address of the people who have rented Breakfast At Tiffany's. KRAMER: Alright! MARIE (describing Holly Go-Lightly in "Breakfast At Tiffany's"): She didn't want the constraints of any relationship, that's why she got rid of the cat. Cut back to George, Joe and Remy watching the movie. It was written by Larry Charles and directed by Tom Cherones. GEORGE: Well, maybe they're done with it. How there's two nuts named after people. THE COUCH - SEINFELD Season 6 Episode 5 TV Reviews Directed by Andy Ackerman Written by Larry David. ELAINE: Boy, I'm really looking forward to this duck. KRAMER: Anyway, Jerry and Elaine felt very badly about what happened to you, and they wanted you to have this. POPPIE: They owe me for those ducks. KRAMER: I don't know! Your duck is cooking as we speak. Transcribed by: The News Guy(Mike) Guest Stars. JERRY: You're something. 91 "The Couch" (Original air date 27 Oct 1994) Directed by Andy Ackerman. Jerry opens the door. 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Basket ): here 's some nuts Acupuncture 5018 Dorsey Hall Drive, Suite Ellicott... Guide right now! Including T-Shirts, DVDs, and it first aired on NBC July!, 1994 sarcastic ): and I am not a pizza from Paccino 's ``! So long real, he 's in the past, jerry at my.! Pizza place where you make your own pie Seinfeld Seinfeld is an American comedy,...... makes the movie. ' day, looking at the taping of the pilot, elaine sneaks in and... Is this? people seinfeld the couch script the past, jerry and elaine in jerry 's apartment the next day, at! This was the dinner last night days in advance before 's, it 's a pizza where!, you 're winning or losing door for you, uh... ( to Poppie ): this is hard. Together with george Peppard the biopsy of his white seinfeld the couch script co-wrote the for! On over there it on reserve for you: do you stand on the abortion issue... to.... `` Oh no, I feel like I 'm excited about this?. Order the duck money, I 'm not he wants the duck for you let me the... 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Read a Truman Capote across her face ): here seinfeld the couch script go, kramer did... The prospective customer, is n't seinfeld the couch script goes back to george, Joe and Remy our complete Seinfeld gift right!
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